Can a car wreck be a blessing?

I mean, can having a wreck actually make someone’s life better? I don’t know if I’ve ever really stopped and thought about it before. Most people probably don’t think along those lines when it comes to accidents. When people hear the word wreck, it’s never good. Okay, well maybe in a sentence something like, at least you didn’t have a wreck…but more often than not, the word is not equated with good times. However, in the last week and a half, I have been trying to NOT be happy about my wreck. How weird does that sound?!

Let me see if I can explain…

Last Monday, I was in an accident that was not my fault but it totaled my car. I was not buckled (yes, I know), but I was not seriously hurt. I did hit my head on the steering wheel and the air bad did not deploy but all I walked away with was a very mild concussion. That, and a lovely goose egg on my forehead and a wonderful shiner that would make anyone jealous. I haven’t had any make up on since that day and knowing now just how much time it adds to my morning activities I have to ask myself is it worth the loss of sleep? YES! I feel soo weird without it! Other than the new but thankfully, temporary, additions to my face, I have no physical signs of a wreck. So that is the first reason I am happy about my wreck.

A well prepared person always has an emergency plan prepared and it’s even more important when you are a single woman living with a roommate. I have such a plan and now I know it works. Due to my parents and the majority of my family being at least 2.5 hours away from me, I have a very dear friend listed as my emergency contact. Cindy is the best kind of person you want around in a crisis. She gets things taken care of and handled without losing it, but isn’t un-emotional for the person she is there for. After the wreck I called my roomie, Abby, who I had just hung up with, and told her what had happened. She was coming down to go with me to the ER. Once she got there, I had her call Cindy because I was pretty shook up. I just didn’t want to call and freak her out and I knew Abby could call and tell her better than I could. Cindy came to the hospital and stayed with me for a while. She ended up calling the tow company and meeting him at the car. She came and met us at after that and stayed until I was going home. Cindy is the bestest! My emergency plan had worked, so that is another reason I am happy about my wreck.

After I had slept and rested for a couple of days, I started dealing with the issue of my car situation. I had just totaled my still being paid for car. I had just paid a $500 deductible to have my car fixed in December. While I hadn’t ever liked the car, this is not how I had imagined getting rid of it. I was planning on sticking it out to pay it off or at least get to a place where I was not owing more than the car was worth. Now that it was totaled my main focus/concern was how am I going to get another car? I am in no financial place to get another car! I was worried that the insurance wouldn’t give me enough to cover the loan balance left on the car and already trying to decide what I would do when that happened. Should I take a bit of the money and by an old, but reliable, car and work on paying the loan off? Should I take the whole amount and pay as much off as I could and hope that I could get them to refinance it at a lower rate? I just didn’t know. Nothing stresses me out or puts me in a bad mood faster than financial crap. And that is what money is, crap! Anyways…as I was saying. Until I heard from the insurance lady regarding the amount they were going to offer me for the car, I was stressing. The insurance people got me a rental for a few days but I also had 2 vehicles that people had offered to me for as long as I needed. How awesome is that?! I didn’t have to stress about being able to get around. My uncle had offered me his truck because he has a company car and a small driveway, so he was all about getting some space freed up. On Thursday the lady called and told me how much they were going to be offering and that morning I had opened a statement from the bank that showed the balance on the loan. After adding back in the deductible that the other people’s insurance would repay me, the amount would be 1.25 more than the balance. Praise the Lord! I just sat in the lobby at work and tears popped up in my eyes. He knew how stressed I was about that and He took care of it. So that meant that I wouldn’t have to carry over any leftover balance to a new loan or try to figure out what to do about finding a cheap but good car. God proved, yet again, that He will take care of me, that He is in control and that He will never leave or forsake me! And there you have another reason that I am happy about my wreck.

For the last few months I have been feeling like God has been telling me in many different ways that there needed to be some work done in several areas of my life, including my finances. I have a great job that pays really well and I should have more to show for it than some really great pictures of places I have traveled to. Don’t get me wrong! I wouldn’t change any of those trips but making the money I am and having no serious debt, I should be in a completely different place than I am now. I have been told that maybe the reason the Lord hasn’t brought Mr. Right into the picture yet is that He’s not finished with him yet. While that may be true, something I have not wanted to admit, let alone say aloud, is it’s more like the Lord is not finished with ME yet. Having spent the majority of my life dreaming of the day when I would meet the guy that would be my husband, it’s not a easy thing to digest that I could be not getting something that God wants me to get before He points out my intended. I just didn’t want to face that thought because what if it’s true? What am I supposed to “get” that I’m missing?! Having wanted to get married so much, my greatest fear is that I wouldn’t. That God has something else planned for me. And that thought scared me! I mean, what else could there be? To give up and say I’m okay with not getting married felt like I would be cutting off a part of myself.

I feel like I have been in the same spot spiritually and maybe maturity wise, for quite a while. Just treading water. I somewhat latched on to the whole “Be still and wait on the Lord” in an incomplete way. I had the waiting part down but was flying right past the Be Still part. In order to be still, I would have to stop and listen. I would have to quit trying to make something happen. It was like I was waiting on God to do His part without having done mine.

Another thing that has been brought to my attention in the last few weeks is that I am a control freak. I never would have classified myself as a control freak. I have been called bossy and told I think I have to comment or give my opinion on everything, but I still would not have said I was a control freak. Just to be clear, no one actually said I was a control freak. It’s something I realized on my own and I’m not taking it very well. I have always wanted to know what was going to happen. I don’t mean in like books and movies but in making plans or something like that. I like to be prepared. I have said that I have become a schedule person and it kind of freaks me out because I never saw myself as someone who would welcome a schedule but here I am. What I didn’t realize is that my need to know what was going to happen was also spilling over in to my relationship with the Lord. I was not willing to let go and give Him complete control without knowing what was going to happen. I don’t even really think it was because I thought He wouldn’t do the best for me, but that His plan may not match up with what I thought was the best or should happen. I don’t and never have doubted that God was in control and His ways/plans are the best for me, but what if His plan was different? I had planned and dreamed of a future as a Wife and Mother, but what if God wanted me to go be a Missionary? Or not get married? I just couldn’t let that go.

Through the last few weeks and possibly even months, I have just felt God saying you are not in control, I AM. That He was waiting to see if I would continue to just exist…or if I was going to turn it all over to Him and start living the life He has planned for me. I want to…I think I always have, but I didn’t know who I was without that hope/plan for the future. I also guess that I felt somewhat labeled as the girl who wants to get married. Everyone is watching and waiting to see who, when or even if, I will get married. I have so many dear, sweet friends who I know have prayed for me and for my future husband and I want them to all be a part of the day, if or whenever it comes.

Over the last months God has shown me that it’s time to drop my plans and just trust Him. I feel like I am supposed to go back to school to be a nurse, specifically a pediatric nurse. I love kids and I have a way with them and I also like helping people. There are a couple of options out there that really intrigue me and I am excited about that future. I realized that nursing is a job that I can do with a family or as a single woman and support myself financially. It’s going to take a while but that is okay. I know it’s something I want to do and I feel a peace about it.

I think I am finally getting it. I see what the Lord has been trying to say all along. You can continue on the path you are on and be somewhat happy and make it, or you can let go and I will take over and lead you to your perfect place. I started to type dream location, but I stopped because I was like, No, I don’t think want to go to MY dream location. I want to go to where He has picked out for me, known or unknown. It will definitely be better than I can ever imagine or dream up!

And so that is the best reason I am happy about my wreck…I finally get it! Now I just have to remember it!

The Latest

Alright y'all...I'm back! I am actually typing this at work. It's been kinda slow here lately. I thought I would take advantage of the downtime and actually do an update.

The best news is that I have finally got my laptop back up and running!!! Yay!! It took forever! The night that my computer crashed (Sad Day) I went ahead and ordered a replacement. I think that that was around the first of Sept, end of Aug. Well it took stinkin' forever and I kept getting emails saying that they had pushed back the delivery day. Then I got an email saying that they had cancelled my order! I was ticked because they had sent me an email saying that it was going to be cancelled if I didn't respond to that email. Well, I would love to know how they expected me to be able to check my email everyday when the thing that I had ordered from them was a new hard drive. Meaning, my computer, and access to my email, was not working. So I called and they rushed it to me after I explained the whole situation. But it didn't come until the middle of Oct. and I had to install all of the systems that were on the last hard drive. It took a while.

The thing that I had mentioned as me starting something new is going really well. I have started a new weight-loss program and since I started on 8/29 I have lost 45lbs! I have just cut out all starch, as many carbs as possible, and calories. I also have kicked up my water and protein, along with vitamins and vitamin shots 2 times a week. I am feeling great and my clothes are not fitting all that great anymore. I decided not to tell anyone when I started because I wasn't sure what everyone's reaction would be. I would say something if someone asked but I wasn't going to advertise it. I have had a lot of great support and encouragement from coworkers, friends and family. I am in it for the long haul and I really feel that it's going to be a life change and not just a fad diet sort of thing. They not only help you lose weight they teach you to make the necessary changes to keep the weight off. I have not set a goal weight because I honestly have no idea what that specific number would look like on me, so I am just going to keep going until I'm at a place where I feel good and like how I look.

I am still having to work very hard at being regular at church. I have been doing great on Wednesday choir practice and better at Sunday morning...I've been going alot more than I have in the past year, but I'm still not up where I want to be. I am still having to work at not getting bummed out on a couple of things but I am listening to Christian cds and reading little devotionals at work. I have a bible and a couple of different ones.

I am going to sign off right now because as I said I am at work but I just wanted to let everyone know that I am alive and am planning on getting things caught up here.

Sad day....

So my scare that happened last Monday night, actually came true on Sunday night. Yep, my hard drive went kaput! From what the oh-so-nice guys at Dell, (can you hear the sarcasm?) said, the pics are still on there but I can't get my computer to boot up! Soo frustrating!!

I am setting at the local library catching up on things...wishing for the day when my new hard drive comes!!

I may be in and out for a while!

I will try to keep ya'll posted!!

Love, Nikki

PS Please say a prayer for my sister and her husband...they are going through a rough time and have somewhat separated. I don't think that its a forever thing, but I am praying that the Lord's will will be done with them.

A Your Mama joke...

No, Im not going to tell you one...I'm here to tell you that I AM one!!

Yep, you read that right! I am now a Your Mama joke.

How does one become a Your Mama joke you may be asking. Allow me to inform you.

First thing one must do is to be in a rush back to work after lunch.

-I was heading back to work. I had gone to the house to fix a quick lunch and then run right back to work. I also was going to stop and get some things for a couple of the girls at work. So I was planning on eating my lunch in the car.

Second thing you must do is place your food in the seat beside you in the worst place possible.

-As I said I was planning on eating it in the car, so I just sat it down on top of my purse. BAD IDEA!!!

Third thing you must do is take a turn a little too fast.

-I had backed up out of the parking space at my apt. and made the turn out of the spot. Due to the turn my food started to fall down in my purse. Eww!

Fourth thing you must do is look away from the road.

-I looked over and reached to get the food off of my purse. I grab it and look back up just in time to see a Blue Nissan Frontier 4X4 in front of me.

Fifth thing you must do is hit the only car in the parking lot.

-Once I looked up all I had time to do was watch it all happen. I saw the front end of my car go under the back bumper of the truck. I back up and look at the damage. Because the truck has a chrome bumper there was hardly any damage to the truck. My car on the other hand, looks like this....

Yep...according to my boss, who was an appraiser for 10 yrs, I did about 1200-1400 hundred dollars damage!!! Can you believe that?!?!?!

I feel like such an idiot! My first wreck ever and I hit a parked car!! A PARKED CAR!!! Oh and it gets better because the truck I hit was my next door neighbors car!!! The first time I meet her and I have to tell her I hit her truck!!!

So I get back to work and call my insurance and get that ball rolling. I have full coverage and everything but its still frustrating...plus I have to come up with 500 dollars for my deductible. So some prayers for extra babysitting would be greatly appreciated!

And that ladies and gentlemen are the steps you need to follow in order to become a Your Mama joke. Please don't all rush out and try this at once. And definitely don't say where you learned all this priceless information. Just say you heard it somewhere...

And I wasn't hurt. Just my pride a bit.

Love, Nikki

Something new...

I started something new today.

Im afraid Im going to be mean and not tell you what it is but I wanted to put it out there as a form of a prayer request. I went to meet with someone today about starting a new thing in my life. I was, and still am, a little hesitant about it. Everything I had heard about it sounded great. I have bounced the idea off of a couple of dear people and they felt like it was something I should do. So I made the appointment to meet them.

All day long, I struggled with wondering if I was doing the right thing. So as I pulled up in the parking lot, I asked the Lord to let me know if this was something I should do or not do.

I go in and meet with the lady and as we are talking she asked me when I had started my current job, I told her and she asked what I had done before. I told her I had been a manager at the local Lifeway bookstore. She said, Oh I love that store! Have you read the Shack?

Well, immediately I felt a little jump in my heart because, having worked at Lifeway, I knew that that book has had some controversy around it. I told her no and that I had plans to. I also mentioned that it had been pretty controversial. She said she knew why and then specifically pointed out some people that would have a problem with it. She had been raised in the Church of Christ and knew that they wouldn't like the book. Because of how she was raised, she felt sure that most C.o.C members wouldnt like it.

Throughout this conversation I was starting to feel like okay, this lady sounds like a believer. Maybe that the Lord saying that its good.

I then here her say that she had been like minded until she did a bible study 11 years ago....My ears immediately perk up...she said that when she had done Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart, she found out about having a relationship with the Lord, not just rules.

Well, ladies, I took that as my sign. The woman knows Beth Moore. And I didn't even steer the conversation in that direction. Having just come back from hearing Beth in San Antonio, my first reaction to this was, and I quote, "Shut Up!!!" Lol!

She looks up at me kinda oddly and I tell her that I just got back from hearing Beth, etc! We get into a in depth conversation about a lot of things and totally lose track of why I was there in the beginning!

Needless to say, I feel like the Lord answered my request. Even with that answer, I still am feeling a little anxious about this new endeavor. I would welcome any and all prayers. I will keep you posted on this.

Hope you all have a great Friday!! Its a long weekend...have fun!!

Love,
Nikki

Sleepy...

I am soo sleepy...

Since getting back from Texas I don't think that I have caught up on all my rest. I fully intended on going to bed early last night because, 1) I didn't have anything to do, 2) It was raining outside and we all know that you sleep better when its raining! and 3) I was exhausted!

But as you know, things don't always go according to plans! I got in the bed, started writing the post with all the pictures from Texas and just as I hit publish...my computer went black!

My heart stopped!!

I hit the power button to reboot and waited and prayed!

When it finally came up it said, Error: no readable hard drive found!!

I lost it!! I have sooo many stinkin' pictures of trips, people and things that I can't replace on here!! And some of other peoples!! I can't imagine if I lost all the stuff on it!!

So I started praying and calling every computer geek I know...and of course, they were all in meetings!!!

So I broke down for a minute and then called Dell. They were able to help me and got my computer started back up and Praise the Lord, I didn't lose any pictures!!

So after all that got resolved, it was like 10:30 and I was ready to crash! So I put it down and promised to update today. And here I am!! Still sleepy, its still raining and now the problem is, I can't go to bed early!! I have to babysit! Sad day!

I am excited to see my kids but I could really use an early night! I'm sure I will be fine with it after I spend time with them but Im at home now and wishing I could just crawl in the bed and sleep!! Alas I cannot! And the time has come for me to leave!

Gotta skitter!!

Ya'll......

You are not going to believe this!!! I have been on the phone with Dell Support for almost an hour trying to figure out what happened to my computer!!! As soon as I uploaded that last post with all the pics from San Antonio my computer went black...Honestly when I saw it, I thought that my hard drive had crashed!! I didn't really expect for that San Antonio post to have made it!! I was able to get some one on the phone to help me and we got it back up!! Praise the Lord!!! I sat here and cried and cried because I have soooo many pictures on this lil' ol' laptop!! From London and Scotland, Prince Edward Island, tons of the kids I used to Nanny and all the pics from San Antonio...I was soo sure that I had lost them all!! I just started praying, Please Lord, No!!
And He totally answered!! I have everything!! I am still on the phone taking care of some final stuff with Dell!

All I have to say is Praise the Lord!!!