Hello again!!

Well, I completely slacked off through the last quarter of 2007!! Let's just say it was a crazy time! I work retail and that may answer alot of it!! But I had a great holiday season. I got to spend time with family and friends. Listen and sing along to some of the best music ever written! Good ole Bing! And lots of other crazy things happened. I will write more on that at a later time!

But I just wanted to start 2008 off with some of my favorite pictures from last year!!

So hear you go!

This is my Whole family on my moms side. Her parents, siblings and children. Plus a few married ins!!

Below is my sister, Ryan and I. My aunt was taking pictures for a family calendar. We both have November bdays and so here we are!

This is my dad and I. We are alot alike and yet we can tick each other off faster than just about any one else in the world!!
This is my sister and her husband, My parents and me. Plus my Uncle "Santa"

These are all my cousins. I am the oldest of the seven. Well Eight counting my sisters husband. We always do a picture in order of age and then one according to height because we did it every year at my grandmothers, in front of the fireplace and our parents would compare to see how much we had changed in the last year. Obviously we couldn't all fit on the hearth of the fireplace now and anyways, Nanny and Nandaddy sold that house. Sad day!!Here are my sweet, adorable Grandparents!! Nanny and Nandaddy are my most favorite!! They have been married for almost 53 yrs and both are in there 70s yet they still go and do more than most people in their 50s. They have a motor home and he is in a quartet!! He sings Bass! Gotta love it!!

So there you have a few pictures of my holidays. I still have tons and tons more. I didn't even get into any from my work party!!

I will add some more later!!

Hope everyone has a great day!!

Trying something new...

So this past week I kinda had a melt down. My dad and I are alot closer than my mom and me. I talk to my dad at least once a day if not more. And its not just me calling him. Half the time I call him its because I am returning one of his calls. My dad is all the time telling me to call my mother. Call your mother he says. Well, this past week he told me to call her and I snapped. I told him she never calls me, never. He says, I call him all the time and I just reminded him that he calls me just as much. He says that she doesn't call because she doesn't want to bother me. That she thinks I don't like her. That ticked me off even more. Lately I have been feeling like the depth of my love for my family is determined by how often I call or go home. How crazy is that?! I mean if I wanted to be childish and petty I could say the same thing. They never come and see me here in Nashville. I have lived here for 5 years and I could probably count on one hand how many times they have been over here. My grandparents have been here almost as many times as they have. But I haven't, up until now, said anything about that. When dad said that I lost it. I have repeatedly told my family and friends to call me anytime they want and if for some reason and I can't talk, I will call them back as soon as I can. Nanny calls me, friends call me, and cousins call me. Mom never does. So after I tell Dad all this, I called my best friend, who is a couple of years older than my parents, and tell her about my conversation with my dad. She then jumps on me. Goes off because she can agree with my mom. She says that MY generation feels like you have to "go and do" when you visit and that my parents, mom in particular, want to just set at the house and just talk. I told her that for me that feels like a bad thing. Growing up whenever we just sat at home, in the living room, we were always having a family meeting. Not to say that we didn't spend time together while I was growing up, but we never just sat in silence. She chastised me for quite some time. My whole lunch hour, in fact. At the end of the conversation she tells me to make a point of calling my mom everyday. She actually wanted me to put in on my calendar to call my mother everyday!! I just laughed. But I have to say that something she said totally stuck with me. So as I was driving back to work, I called mom and just said hey. We talked for like 3 mins but I think it made her feel good. I have since called her several times this week. I have made it a point to call her at least everyother day. Whether I am just saying hey or I have an actual reason, I call. It has been interesting. There have been several moments of awkwardness. But I am feeling better about the whole thing. During the tirade from my bff, I realized that part of the reason I was having such a hard time with all this with my mom, is that I am tired of feeling that I have to be the one to make relationships in my family work. I have to constantly let things slide with my sister in order to keep the peace. We can have a great time together so long as I don't let the conversation turn into a certain direction. I feel like, with my mother, I am the one who has to make her feel okay. I'm the one who has to keep a tight reign on the conversation. Make myself crazy trying to make sure that she feels apart of my life. Going home stresses me out no end. I want to spend time with my friends and family but I have to work out my whole trip, down to the minute. It wears me out.
The main thing I wanted to say was that I have actually felt a little better about the whole thing with my mom. I talked to my friend today and I said that my mom still hasn't called me. She said that she thinks it will come in time. Who knows? One thing I do know, my family is complicated! Always has been and, I am pretty sure, always will be! But I don't know if I would change it if I could. Its the way things have always been. Its oddly comfortable, familiar.
I will stop rambling....and keep trying to make things work with my crazy and trying family!!

Enjoying a glorious day!

This is the view from my porch at the apartment. Its my most favorite time of the year. Almost Fall. The sky is sooo blue. Grass is still green. Leaves are just starting to change. If I wanted to get married out side this would be the time of year that I would pick. I would get married on a clear fall day, close to sunset. I love the sunsets this time of year. So it is such a day that I find myself setting outside. Listening to Doris Day and drinking Sweet tea! I have the whole day off. No Lifeway and no Kroger. I almost don't know what to do with my self. I wish that I was a person who could just window shop. If I was I would be in downtown Franklin strolling through all the cute little shops. But I ALWAYS find something I HAVE to have. Too good of a deal to pass up, whether I have the money or not. So I stay away. I did get up this morning and go have lunch with Joshua. I called Sharon last night and she said it was his Marvelous Me week and so it would be perfect if I could go have lunch with him. Grandma was also there and so Elizabeth and Olivia came and set with us. It was big fun. Joshua to my camera and below are the results.

He asked me to set the timer and so that's how we got the 2 good ones of him. The others were just him being crazy.

The crazy cousins. Elizabeth, Olivia and Joshua. They are are too funny!! I had a great time visiting with them. After I said goodbye to them and Grandma, I went and saw some friends there at the school and my Andrew. He and Sarah were in class but I thought I would catch Andrew at recess or lunch. I wasn't even going to try and see Sarah. She would have gone ballistic. Whenever she sees me she wants to stay with me. So I wanted to save Mrs Brenda from having to deal with a crazy Sarah. But I did catch up with Andrew in his class and got to visit with him and his classmates and teachers. I was glad to see that he seemed to be doing really well. He is soo dear to my heart and it just thrills me to see him thriving in class. With all his problems I am glad to see that it hasn't slowed him down at all. In fact he seems to do better. After I had visited with him, I headed out to the car but I saw Joshua's teacher from a year or two ago and so I had to say hi. While I was visiting with them Andrew came running out on to the playground, screaming my name. Makes me soo happy to have a little child yell for me because they are excited to see me. So I grabbed him up and snapped this picture.

Sorry for the visible green gum. I forget that it shows up soo well. But isn't he just the cutest thing ever?! I love him sooo much!! After spending the day with 2/3 of my kids made me really really miss them. Don't get me wrong, I glad to be at Lifefway. But I miss the kids. and seeing them grow up. Finding out that Sarah peepeed in the potty for the first time yesterday and I wasn't there, really made me sad. How crazy is that?! Today was the kind of day that we would have spent hanging out at Granny White Park. Me setting in the swing. Kids running around. But at least I still can go see them. They are close enough to go and spend time with them.

Okay well, I did have a lot more that I wanted to say but I will save that for later. I have been setting out on the floor of the deck for quite some time and quite frankly, my bum is about die!!So cheerio for now! Ta!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....

Well not really the worst of times. But it was one of the saddest times. My roommate got married this past Saturday. It was beautiful wedding. I was a bridesmaid and the shoes were sooo uncomfortable and the dress beautiful yet uncomfortable as well. I caught the bouquet. AGAIN!! I think that it may be like the 4th time!! Seriously, I just can't win! Everyone keeps saying "Oh you are going to be next one married" Well all I have to say about that is, WHATEVER!! I only actually tried to catch it at the wedding because me and her sister and some of her old high school friends decided to treat it like we were fighting for a rebound. And we were all blocking out and we said we were going to jump for it and then the time came and I was the only one to jump so of course I caught the bouquet! But I didn't keep it. Stef's little cousin really wanted it and since the bouquet was exactly the same as the one that I carried in the wedding I let her have it. She was soo jazzed and went and told everyone about it. We had a great time at the wedding. They played alot of great music and the food was great! They also had a karaoke machine so of course we had to sing some songs!!

In all seriousness, it was a day filled with mixed emotions. Running around getting everything done for the day and worrying about all the little details. Plus knowing that it was official. I had lost the best roommate I have ever had!! And that would never happen again!! She had a new roommate. A mister Patrick Tinnel. He is a great match for her. He is kind, sweet, caring and funny!! We always have a great time when ever we hang out. We played so many jokes on each other and were constantly cracking on each other. I am still hoping that we will get together sometime. They both joked and said that I would have a place to stay at their house if the need ever arose. I will miss seeing them. Regularly any way. I hope they are having a great time in Disney world. Stef was soo excited because she had never been there as an adult she said and Patrick had never been at all. Truthfully, he had never flown before either. I was teasing them saying that they made the perfect couple, she throws up on planes and he gets sick really easy.

I can't wait to hear all of the crazy stories that I know they will have when they get back.

Okay, I guess that's all.

Why do things have to change?

Okay so I know WHY things have to change, but why does it all have to come at the same time? I feel like my life has been in a constant state of major change for close to 2yrs. Jobs, Friends, Family, Church, and so many other things. But if things could change just one or maybe two at a time, instead of everything all at once, it wouldn't be so bad. I mean, seriously, what is up with that?? I have 2 roommates and the one who has been with me for the longest is moving out. Well, actually, she moved out last night! Sad day!! A friend of mine from my hometown is moving in. Stef had been my roommate for almost 3yrs. We have been through alot together. Her breakup with her boyfriend of 3yrs, her new job, a new boyfriend that soon turned into a fiance. The death of her grandmother, my sister's wedding, new jobs on my front. We were both nannies together, in fact, that's how we met. At the Chick Fil A, in the play area. She had 2 boys and I had 2 boys. They were all the exact same age and played really well together. They became fast friends and so did we. She is one of my dearest friends and even though I know I will see her, I feel like she is gone. Things will never be the same. And its good. I mean, she is getting married. Starting a new family with her husband to be. I am so happy for her. I know that God brought her into my life for a reason. At the time we met, I was living by myself out in the country. I spent a lot of time alone and I am a huge people person. At the time, I wasn't even looking for a roommate but she was having to find a place pretty quickly and I had an extra room. As a result of us moving in together, I was able to help her through a tough breakup and she was there for support as my sister got married. So needless to say, we're close. I don't have the same relationship with my other roommate or my new one. I don't think that there will ever be a similar situation. I like my two current roommates but there are a few things that make it different. One of them is going to get married in June and so I know that it will only be for a short time. Don't get me wrong, I like her a lot and am glad to have her come in and take over Stef's room. The other one, well, that's a different story. She and I have different ideas on what is supposed to go on in a independent person's life. I mean, I work pretty hard to pay my own way in the world. I hate to have to ask my parents for help. I know they will help me if they could but I don't like to ask them. She, on the other hand, totally lets her parents pay for everything. She doesn't work that much and complains when she does. Making her happy is a very hard thing to do. We are completely opposite in a lot of areas. We can have a good time just doing nothing but sometimes living together is hard. So at the end of the current lease, I am going to be moving out. She is talking about buying a house and maybe having her brother move up here to share it with her. I hope that how ever it ends, we remain friends.

I guess, I am just bummed and that is weighing on me the most right now. There are a couple of other things going on but I will talk more about them later! I'm hungry and its time to go cook some home cooked food.

So blessed!!

Today has been a day where God has TOTALLY reminded me of how great He is. I slept in, like I have been doing for the past couple of months, but I was up by like 11:00 or so. I spent the majority of the day cleaning my room. Going through clothes and deciding what to keep and what needs to be tossed and what should be sent to the goodwill. This evening there was scheduled to be a instrumental concert at my church. I still get the emails from the choir even though I haven't been in the church since Christmas. (That doesn't mean that I haven't been to church since then, just not my church.) In one of the last emails, Dennis mentioned that there was going to be a special concert to celebrate 20yrs of the orchestra ministry at the church, as well as the organist's 15th year as the church organist. I love the organist at my church and I knew that she could play beautifully, same for the orchestra, so I put it in my phone's calendar. I really wanted to go. SO I made myself go and have never been more glad that I made myself do something. It was awesome. Soo beautiful! It felt so great to be there, in that beautiful building, listening to all the beautiful music being sung and played by some of God's greatest musicians! I just sat there with tears in my eyes. It was like God was showing me what I have been missing. I know that I should be apart of the choir, as well as the church. But the choir has always meant a lot to me. The music minister at church does the most awesome job of blending all the different styles of music and making the most wonderful worship service. He mixes hymns and praise choruses better than anyone I have ever seen. And he is such a man of God. He gets so emotional because of the music and most of the time, the words of a song, that he can't even sing himself. I love the fact that the leader still is worshiping through the service. He isn't just concentrating on what part of the service we are at, but what we are singing and Who we are singing it for.
One of the reasons I dropped out of choir and ultimately, church, was I was just feeling soo alone. In a church that has more people there on a Sunday morning than my hometown, it's hard to believe that you could feel lonely, but I did. When I started going there, I was involved in a women's bible study at another church with some friends of mine. They were my small group, my accountability group. But because of church issues and childcare issues, they had to move the day of the study and it was moved to a day that I couldn't attend. I had been in the same group of ladies for over 2 yrs. I was closer to God than I had ever been in my whole life. While I understood why it had to be changed, I was very upset. It really shook me. I wasn't that happy at my job, I was going to church by myself and now my bible study, my core group, was being taken away from me. It really sent me into a state of depression. I mean, for over 2yrs, every Thursday, I would meet my friends, we would study God's word and then spend time fellowshiping at lunch, and now it was gone. That was the hardest things I have ever had to go through. I am not sure I have even fully recovered. Because after that I started just going to choir and then leaving. Not staying for service. Then it was I would only go if the song was one of my favorites. Then it was just to go for the special choir concert. Then I started to feel guilty because I was going to church for completely the wrong reason. So would just sleep. I slept a lot through that time. I got involved in some thing I never would have dreamed I would be involved in. Although I am no longer a part of it, it still has taken some time to get over. While I was doing nothing illegal, it was still something I had been raised no to do and yet I was. So while I was down in the pit, I made a job change. One of the best decisions I have ever made. While I miss my kids, I know that I am better off at the bookstore. I love being back there. I love helping the customers. I love getting to know them, as they come in regularly. I love starting my day out with prayer and devotion with my fellow associates. I love having deep, theological discussions with them. I love it. God knew that I needed to be back there and I am soo glad that I actually listened and followed Him. While I am no where near where I was before, I am pulling out of what ever it was I was in. I am excited about going back to church! I am excited about singing in the choir! I am looking forward to meeting new people in the choir. I am hoping to get involved in Sunday school again. I am just glad to be feeling happy about it again.
God is so great! He just amazes me constantly! Oh if only I would pay more attention!!

A new laptop!!

I guess that I should say that its a new friend because we all know that I am going to spending a lot of time together me and my new Dell. I shall have to think up a name for it. First off, a girl or a guy? Hmmm.....that's a tough one. I guess I will wait and see.
I am soo jazzed to have this thingy!! I have wanted one for the longest time and now its here!! Yay!! I am still having to get used to the keypad on here. Quite different than what I am used to. But I am sure that I will adapt. When Stef moves out, sad day, I won't have to start going to the Library again to check my email. Thats what I did when I lived out in the boondocks. Although sometimes I miss being out there. It was sooo quiet and spacious. And it was just me and Stef. But those were the days of the past. Time to move on.
I am having to force my self off of the computer every night. Now that I can read in bed, I never want to leave it. I keep finding new and even more interesting things to do and see. I am sure that one day it will pass. Who knows though?
I'm going to run. I am starving and have food waiting for me. Yummy rice!!
Bye!
PS if anyone has a good idea for a name please let me know. You may be the winner! Of an imaginary contest of course! ;)